I just have to get this out somewhere:
1. Madam, I know that you're fascinated by the Casey Anthony trial and really REALLY want to watch the closing arguments but I really must, must insist on FULL access to the large, open oozing abdominal wound that we've been doing daily dressings on for months now.
2. Words you never want to hear from a patient: "Let's get this wound vac done so I can get back to playing with my chainsaw."
3. You, sir, if you are indeed harassing my patient because she is gay, and I ever catch you, I'll call the cops on you so fast your head will spin.